(Random bursts of thoughts)
For the past few years, my life has been on hold. From ages 18-25 I was on the run from every struggle life had put me through up till then.
Life is weird, man.
I know what it's like to want to die. i know fear. it used to be my only friend. my subconscious has always been overactive. my dreams haunt me. even in my dreams she leaves me. whoever "she" may be.
my first vivid panic attack, i was 14 or 15. i was all alone in a bedroom. i became overwhelmed by the feeling that something was deeply wrong and something was coming for me. it was my own mind. a sick head knocked around by soulless creatures for too long. a tortured soul. a lost child. god dammit i was so fucking alone. i cried in the corner squeezing my knees tightly until i fell asleep. my monsters live inside me.
i'm finally over you. oh my god, it feels so good. i was sick on you for almost a fucking decade. you destroyed me, so i could rebuild myself. you taught me how to love even the cruelest individuals.
i will no longer self destruct.
i don't give a fuck. i'm gonna live life the way i want to.
i promise i'll love you. is that enough?
i'm really fucking cool if you get to know me. the challenge is getting to know me. i don't share my thoughts with everyone. don't let this blog post trick you. there are lifetimes to this soul. i've got experiences for centuries.