New Jersey Native Halsey Takes Us On A Trip To the Graveyard

Today, the Queen of New Jersey’s Badlands, Halsey released a new single for her upcoming 16-track album “Manic,” dropping in its entirety in January of 2020. It’s noon and “Graveyard” has already made it to the top of Spotify’s “Hottest 50,” which currently has more than 24 million subscribers. Halsey, born Ashley Nicolette Frangipane, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of seventeen. While many can relate the lyrics of “Graveyard” to a toxic relationship with a family member, lover, or friend, Ashley is actually talking about (or to) herself (Halsey) here.

Ashley posted on Instagram today and signed off with the statement to her fans, “it’s nice to meet you.” This is THE album reflecting Ashley’s growth and maturity into adulthood. She has evolved out of the Halsey era and is born again as Ashley. The album art and merchandise have the same indicators “H3” and “A01” symbolizing Halsey’s 3rd album and Ashley’s first—a powerful transition that will undoubtedly skyrocket her already thriving career. The art also displays the number “017,” the fateful age Ashley tried to end her life. Instead, she was diagnosed bipolar and followed its destructive path, which she recounts in “Graveyard.”

“Graveyard” is about her struggles with the highs and lows that come with her experience with mental illness—such as the reckless behavior that is known to accompany mania. It is a powerfully melodic and catchy song that opens with a gripping first line, “it’s crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment—let that sink in. i can think again.” Here, Ashley is speaking to Halsey, the girl who used to run with her mania, because it made her feel so good, but when the mania clears and she can think again she sees how she’s running herself to the graveyard. Mental illness can easily push you “down all your darkest roads.” In the scenario, the life she used to love so much was actually killing her, and she’s admitting she was committed to dying that way.

The emotional impact of the song is ripped open at the end with a deep realization from Ashley: “It’s funny how the warning signs can feel like they’re butterflies.” Then you hear her gasp for air—as if being brought back to life. She has healed, and now she’s safe as Ashley. Ashley is stable. Ashley takes care of and is kind to herself.

Halsey released a time-lapse video on YouTube of her painting a large self-portrait (the album cover) in a beautiful warehouse studio along to the song. As you watch her paint, the golden light behind the canvas slowly creeps out of frame. Halsey is not refraining from embracing and releasing her artistic side on all fronts with this album. In the portrait, Ashley adorns one clear eye, and one eye painted with a glittery blue bruise. Here, she’s beautifully representing her experience with her bipolar disorder—she sees through two different eyes. “You look at me with eyes so dark I don’t know how you even see.” If Ashley is using her moniker, Halsey, to represent the “Manic” side of her personality, then she visually represents this in the album art. The Halsey side is bruised but sparkling; she has pierced ears and is shown as the dark side. Ashley has minimal eye makeup, still glittery, but very gentle and calm-looking. She represents clarity. Ashley is the light side, backlit beautifully illuminating her profile. Taking it a step further, the photo symbolizes the dualism required to reach a more enlightened state to overcome the struggles of mental illness. There is nothing more humbling than being your own worst enemy.

“An Album made by Ashley for Halsey” —Halsey’s Instagram story post on Friday, September 13, 2019

“it’s crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment—let that sink in. i can think again. when the hand you want to hold is a weapon and you’re nothing but skin. oh cause i keep digging myself down deeper. i wont stop till i get where you are. i keep running. i keep running. i keep running.

they say i may be making a mistake. i would’ve followed all the way no matter how far. i know when you go down all your darkest roads. i would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard. oh cause i keep digging myself down deeper. i won’t stop till i get where you are. i keep running and both my feet hurt. i won’t stop till i get where you are. oh when you go down all your darkest roads. i would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard.

you look at me with eyes so dark i don’t know how you even see. you push right through me. it’s getting real. you lock the door. you’re drunk at the steering wheel. and i can’t conceal. oh cause i’ve been digging myself down deeper. i won’t stop till i get where you are. i keep running. i keep running. i keep running.

they say i may be making a mistake. i would’ve followed all the way no matter how far. i know when you go down all your darkest roads. i would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard. oh cause i keep digging myself down deeper. i won’t stop till i get where you are. i keep running and both my feet hurt. i wont stop till i get where you are. oh when you go down all your darkest roads. i would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard.

it’s funny how the warning signs can feel like they’re butterflies. oh cause i keep digging myself down deeper. i won’t stop till i get where you are. i keep running and both my feet hurt. i won’t stop till i get where you are. oh when you go down all your darkest roads. i would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard. ”

Halsey - “Graveyard” lyrics trancribed by Ashley Capra

DISCLAIMER: These are my own views and are no way factual evidence for Halsey’s views or creative process.

REVAMP

if anyone ever gives you a hard time for saying “new year, new me,” or my fave, “new moon, new me,” then fuck those people. honestly, if anyone gives you their opinion without asking your permission first, then let that slide right off your shoulder.

back to the matter at hand, if you are constantly changing and evolving to a better version of yourself than you were yesterday, then everyone who loves you should be here for it, and if they’re not then there is something inherently wrong with them and that’s their own puzzle to put together. you’re too busy with yours. trust.

NEW BLOG COLOR SCHEME THAT MAKES ME HAPPY AND KIND OF COORDINATES WITH THE FACT THAT EASTER IS NEXT WEEK

CONFUSED MEME.jpg

Fishing blues, 2019.

And i ain’t gonna front like i deserve your love. i’m still trying to learn to love. it’s my long-term ambition. but the burden burns so big you can’t miss it. it was worth the tears. i want my verses to persevere. i dont need a souvenir to prove that i was here because ever since you appeared it’s been a happy new year.  from the bad to the worst, i’m a still be here.  -Atmosphere, Still Be Here, Fishing Blues, 2016

And i ain’t gonna front like i deserve your love. i’m still trying to learn to love. it’s my long-term ambition. but the burden burns so big you can’t miss it. it was worth the tears. i want my verses to persevere. i dont need a souvenir to prove that i was here because ever since you appeared it’s been a happy new year.

from the bad to the worst, i’m a still be here.

-Atmosphere, Still Be Here, Fishing Blues, 2016

My depression won't stop me.

(Random bursts of thoughts)

MOTOWN-4.jpg

For the past few years, my life has been on hold. From ages 18-25 I was on the run from every struggle life had put me through up till then.

Life is weird, man.

I know what it's like to want to die. i know fear. it used to be my only friend. my subconscious has always been overactive. my dreams haunt me. even in my dreams she leaves me. whoever "she" may be.

my first vivid panic attack, i was 14 or 15. i was all alone in a bedroom. i became overwhelmed by the feeling that something was deeply wrong and something was coming for me. it was my own mind. a sick head knocked around by soulless creatures for too long. a tortured soul. a lost child. god dammit i was so fucking alone. i cried in the corner squeezing my knees tightly until i fell asleep. my monsters live inside me.

i'm finally over you. oh my god, it feels so good. i was sick on you for almost a fucking decade. you destroyed me, so i could rebuild myself. you taught me how to love even the cruelest individuals.

i will no longer self destruct.

i don't give a fuck. i'm gonna live life the way i want to.

i promise i'll love you. is that enough?

i'm really fucking cool if you get to know me. the challenge is getting to know me. i don't share my thoughts with everyone. don't let this blog post trick you. there are lifetimes to this soul. i've got experiences for centuries.

03.07.18

I intend on posting more here. In a year, this website will look completely different. If not, make sure you call me out on it.

I ventured out into this wilderness with Brian today. We attempted to get some shots.

I'm editing and listening to Atmosphere.

Here are the results:

 

BUDD LAKE SNOWSTORM 03_07_18-2.jpg

SNOW DAY

BUDD LAKE SNOWSTORM 03_07_18-18.jpg

i wrote you a letter.

i know you'll never write me back.

BUDD LAKE SNOWSTORM 03_07_18-21.jpg

i don't know how to make the first move anymore.

i used to be such a sweet talker.

BUDD LAKE SNOWSTORM 03_07_18-23.jpg

i broke down like an old pick up truck in the middle of the desert:

overwhelmed, steaming, & screaming for help.

BUDD LAKE SNOWSTORM 03_07_18-4.jpg

i want my life to be different.

will you be a part of it?

BUDD LAKE SNOWSTORM 03_07_18-6.jpg

i'm not a part of some broken hearts club. i'm not some emo kid.

i'm depressed. i'm fucking sad. sometimes i feel empty. and for so long i hated myself for it. sick with the inability to be happy. symptoms: fixation on self-deprecation; acts of self-mutilation; isolation. now, i accept it. it's the only way to actually keep on living. to resist is to continue suffering in denial.

BUDD LAKE SNOWSTORM 03_07_18-9.jpg

acceptance is purpose.

i have more confidence now. you can't break me anymore. you never could.

BUDD LAKE SNOWSTORM 03_07_18-17.jpg

if you fuck it up,

that's your fault.

BUDD LAKE SNOWSTORM 03_07_18-20.jpg

i'm a realist with a utopian dream.

i'll never give up on love.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

i've wandered from place to place trying to find myself by kissing a pretty face. the funny thing is, i've never felt better in the middle of the woods all alone. i'll show you what life looks like through my isolated eyes. i communicate better with paper and pen and light captured in a picture.

bare with me, i'm rusty. i lost myself for a while. i'm back now, though, and i have a story to tell.

02.11.18

-Ash Cap

aloneisalliveeverknown.jpg